Dr Eve came to our dorpie today. Her real name is Marlene Wasserman.
She is the sexologist whose columns we see in magazines and whose voice we hear on the radio. She visited us in Stellenbosch.
Instead of the usual student crowd at Gino’s, the room was filled with a hundred gals, mostly thirty-somethings (a few older, including a sixty-somethinger!).
10am coffee and a talk about sex.
An unusual start to a Monday morning.
The huge show of hands to the opening question “who got it or gave it this weekend” put Stellenbosch on the map for sexual activity.
Until someone mentioned it was father’s day on Sunday… a good gag.
Otherwise we’d be right where one would expect thirty-somethings to be.
Not so active.
Our problems? Apparently 30’s-40’s is all about Children, Careers and Cheating. Ouch
We’re tired. We don’t have time to ourselves. We become mothers.
Worst of all, we become “business partners” while running a household like a company. Discussions are about finances, children, parenting and logistics. Spontaneity flies out of the window with the stork that delivered the baby.
Woman searches for something other than the children but find comfort in them and they become her object of affection. Man wants to provide and protect. Meaning that he works all the time, even when he is home.
Our hormones fluctuate daily (!) while man’s stays constant. All the time. Constantly.
She suggests women take back their privacy by shutting the door to the children occasionally. Privacy is our right. It is also gives a message to our children that it is ok for them to have some privacy of their own when the time comes that they need it.
The top reasons from women for not getting it on with their men?
1. Household chores
2. Poor grooming and hygiene
3. Poor sexual technique
Really? Is that it? Hmmm…
In our 30’s we are mostly self-conscious about our bodies. (Apparently that’s not good for business – duh). Dr Eve suggests a motivation and reward system. We need to think what motivates us to get it on. Find one that works for you. Then use it. (Enjoyment obviously being the most important, but failing that, think, “helping hands around the house”, “a smile on his dial”, whatever works for you…)
If the action he is offered is offensive, he will search for alternatives. Which brings us to her third thing about the 30’s. Cheating.
The good news is that the tables turn.
The children grow older; we have more energy, and a new lease on life.
We are comfortable with our bodies and with who we are.
We try new tricks, we are free. We want monkey-sex.
By fifty our hormones are constant. We are in charge of our destiny.
So the trick is to survive the 30’s. With a relationship in tact.
Then enjoy the ride together.
Some ways to do this:
Mystery is important
Enchant & Evolve
Make the bedroom erotic
Be a lover, not a mother
Ok, so that’s the wrap
Don’t say you weren’t warned. Dr Eve has spoken.
She says you’re not a child anymore, take the lead.
Demand it when you want it.
Know what you want. Explore. Know yourself.
Oh and get your daughters the HPV vaccination before they are 9 to prevent cervical cancer.